The Chinese Parenting
Amy Chua’s article “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior” became a heat recently as in the group of people concerning Chinese issues. Nothing is better than provoking fights to promote her book “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom“. Yet, I found some of her arguments interesting.
First of all, Michel Foucault’s theory about knowledge/power is very useful in this circumstance. As I have known, people seldom praise the Chinese (loosely defined as in the article) way of parenting in the western context because it’s said to make the kids timid and immature which are highly valued in the western culture. But actually, making kids timid and immature is not necessarily the consequent of Chinese parenting. In the Chinese context, timid or immature is never a fatal shortcoming. So the parents didn’t pay much attentions on cultivating their representing/communication skills or life skills while the western parents do. For many of the parents who immigrant to US, they pay closer attention to their kids presentation/communication and life skills. So the second generation of Chinese immigrants are usually more mature and outgoing.
Secondly, scolding the Chinese parenting by what it’s missing for training the kids skills dooms to be a failure. The Chinese parenting is a training process. The parents are like coaches. The quality of the training depends heavily on the design of the classes. Some parents may miss some important classes but the methodology of the parenting has no faults on preparing the kids for the future.
The only problem I’ve seen about the Chinese parenting is it stresses to much on the responsibilities between parents and kids while lack of the love connection and it impedes the development of right attitudes of self-esteem. I am raised in the typical Chinese way of parenting. I started to play Pipa (regretfully not piano or violin) since I am five. I have to spent 3 hours on practicing everyday and i played in the municipal’s annual concerts pretty frequently. I was not allowed to watch TV except for the weekend and no play after school. My parents set a very high standard for me and allow no mercy. I have to say, I am supper strong and confident of conquering any difficulties for my life journey because of that. My parents can be angry when I am getting full scores and ranking the first in the class or I didn’t take good care of myself. But they can also be super happy if I get good score, practice well in my Pipa or some other stuff related to perfect. For me, the loves from parents are only developed from me being perfect. This is actually a long-term barrier about relationship I had to overcome with other people. I didn’t believe people would love me if I am not excellent and I have difficulties of believing my parents love me because I am myself not I am not what I have achieved.
